I used to get so much enjoyment from a day of pampering. A day for me to Just relax and enjoy. Most recently I have found myself having an almost breakdown before having to psyche myself up before entering the salon.
The reason is simple. I know I am putting myself in a situation where I will be asked THE QUESTION.
‘So do you have kids?’
I can’t explain with enough accuracy the gut wrench that is this question. Do I say 1 on Earth and not mention my 1 in heaven?
Do I rock their world and say a 1 day old who died and a 3 year old who loves to talk about him, even at sometimes uncomfortable times.
My most recent time I said a 3 year old and baby hoping to leave it at that. Of course it was eventually asked about him and had to tell about his passing. Which mostly leaves the unassuming person totally shocked and feeling guilty.
For the record I never feel guilty for talking about Logan. He is a part of our family who we talk about every day. What makes me mad is how strangers will never ask me what his name was and how the conversation basically ends there.
Through my journey into motherhood I have met so many other types of mothers who all have their own thoughts on this question.
The mom who has no living child, but fought so hard to try to become one through every attempt surgery and miscarriage. The one who went through everything for her baby girl to have an unfair ruling and custody lost. The mom’s who aren’t sure if they should just say look at the alive child and feel guilt ridden for neglecting the loss.
I beg for all of us with complicated answers to this awful question, please ask us:
‘Would you like to tell me about your family?’
Please allow us to tell you on our terms.
Behind the Willows 
I still to this day haven’t found a way to cope with loosing my son. He is my first child and I carried him full term, but the day of my delivery they couldn’t find his heart beat ! I remember to this day my whole weekend and I wish I could go back in time to see if I could change my outcome! My son De’Vonté Denzel McGhee was born at 5:20 am on October 3, 2016 weighing 8lbs 2oz and was 22 inches long . When I hear my friends talk about their kids I get angry because I don’t get that opportunity…I didn’t get a chance to see his smile or hear him cry and I sometimes wish god would’ve taken me instead! I found out I was pregnant with what I thought would be my rainbow baby on February 4, 2017 and at 6wks 2days I had a miscarriage! I can’t help but feel like I’m a failure and I can’t have kids but everyone tells me it’s not your time !! Maybe their right because so many things going on in my life I don’t think I want my child to endure it like I have too !! I don’t have anybody to talk to I keep it all in my boyfriend rather ignore it then to hear me talk about it just like everything else I’m really starting to feel alone and unhappy and I can’t take no more! It’s so hard to sit here and type this out but I need to release some of my many feelings . Sorry for your loss !
LikeLiked by 1 person