Not every rainbow is an ending of something. Sometimes it’s just the beginning.
Our journey began so many months ago by preparing for finding a care team that we knew would be supportive of the emotional needs we had with this birth and pregnancy. We educating our team with what we needed to heal with this experience to make it different from Logan’s birth of chaos, separation and darkness.
On the day of our delivery I felt the butterflies. We had done everything we could to get to this spot and God was in control. We trusted that we would be meeting our girl and just praying to hear her cry that we never heard from Logan.
I can’t thank all the staff for preparing everyone in the OR and floor for us and what this birth meant to us. We were prepared for fighting to not be separated and hoping we would get to have our doula and photographer come back with us.
Everyone who walked in said we’ve already read your birth plan and we never had to retell our prior trauma from birth and were allowed to have this day just celebrating. Our doctor advocated for us to see our baby as soon as she was out. She made sure we were never left in the dark on what decisions they were making. She made sure we were never separated and left alone waiting for the unknown.
The moment came when the doctor said she’s almost here. Kevin looked at his phone and I said I know what song I need to be playing and hit “Somewhat Over The Rainbow” and after the first few Hawaiian cords played they said here she comes! We were both able to watch her come and hear her cry as our dreams came true.
Months of waiting, planning, praying and fears of what would happen were all washed away and everyone in the OR exclaimed in happy cheers. She was in my arms in moments and even fed with me on the OR table. Everyone we saw took care of our emotions as if we were their family.
Joanna Beth you don’t even know yet how much my heart has needed you! I knew your name needed meaning and God is Gracious is so perfectly fitting for you. We had so much of waiting and praying that we would one day have a house on Earth with 2 children and we have graciously been granted this aching in our heart. We forever have an empty spot in our house with our little Logan. We want all 3 of you and one day Logan I will be holding you in heaven. Until the. I’m holding your little sister even closer. Your Great-grandma Ann in my dreams was right, “Everything is going to be ok, your not alone.”
Behind the Willows 