Space At My Table

Just your Monday PSA, that no one has it all figured out. That awesome blogger who has her kids hair combed and smiling at the camera with a fresh “homemade dinner” probably has a pile of dishes next to the camera and a million out with kids having meltdowns!

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That mom who is managing all the activities and career is probably struggling with guilt that there’s not enough quality time while trying do #allthethings

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No one has it all totally figured out! Be the best you can with what you know right now!

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Faith it til you make it my fellow #bossbabes

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Let’s have a little coffee chat, shall we! Pull up a stool and sit down. There’s a few things you should know about me before we move any further. I’m messy and caffeinated woman who believes she can change the world.

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I’m far from perfect but I am driven and grounded. I know I’m changing the world because I’ve got a tribe of wonderful friends. My friends are full of women who have young kids, have grown kids, don’t have kids, maybe still feel like kids. I have a special place in my heart for my fellow #infantlossmama friends. I hate being apart of this community, but I also have met the most real people in it.

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This world needs more women who are amazing supportive and rooting for each other! Share this message with another woman who may need to know #tribelife and community aren’t just for 1 type of person! You don’t have to be one type of person to be in a tribe!

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There’s always space at my table

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No Ruler to Measure Grief

So many people who have contacted me since I started writing with their own stories. These are stories of old wounds, vulnerability and reopened scars and the memories that haunt us at night. They usually start with a disclaimer “it doesn’t compare to what has happened to you” or “I wasn’t as far as you were.”

These disclaimers make me think that at some point our society decided that we need to rank measures of loss. That for some reason some hurt was worth more than another hurt. We try to minimize our hurt and be a martyr. I’ve learned that to rank a loss is just cruel. The worst thing that could happen did and that’s all that matters. The weight of your loss is not transferrable and not measurable. If it’s heavy for you it should be acknowledged and that’s really all that matters.

I want to thank the many people who have opened up and shared stories of their scars. They are all special and unique and part of what bind us together. We all have struggles and are all trying to persevere.

There is enough suffering to go around and it can be overwhelming. We don’t need to put comparisons or disclaimers on our emotions.

Some of best advice in those darkest first months was to try to talk to myself like I was talking to my best friend. She let me acknowledge I was in the trenches and to remind myself to be kind while I was trying to fight a war with myself.

If your waiting for a permission slip to feel complicated things all at once here it goes. Remember your allowed to be happy about good things while your sad about good things. Your allowed to be proud of every mountain you have climbed. You are not obligated to justify your feelings. Especially feelings of grief. You are not obligated to minimize your loss.

We are all here to bear witness to one another. To lend a hand when we see someone slipping. I hope that you know this is not a competition of who has it worse. No one really wants to win that competition.

Remember to be to yourself. To talk to yourself as if you were your own best friend and not the guilt tripping enemy you maybe listening to in your head. I’ve found that grief is a complication of emotions of sadness mixed with happy mixed with another sadness about feeling happy. Remember your not crazy, it’s just grief. And anyone who thinks grief is a smooth transition of checkmarks is probably living in some crazy sub-universe!